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Your Partner's Porn Has Nothing To Do With You

I'm addicted enough to advice columns to know that one of the most common questions is "I found porn on my boyfriend's/husband's computer and the women/men look nothing like me/do things that I don't do! Help!"

There are a bunch of different answers that pop up - but the only accurate one is "of course the people don't look like you and don't do the things you do - that's the point of porn."

The type of sex people want to watch and fantasize generally has nothing to do with the type of sex people have in real life. In 99 percent of the cases the people that people fap to are not people they'd really want to have sex with. (I say 99 percent, because, yeah, people probably really do want to fuck James Deen and Stoya - but that's because they act like humans and not porn stars.)

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People go to porn to transgress. They do it to safely push boundaries that they don't want to push in reality. And they like fake looking people, because it makes it easier for them to distance themselves. It makes it clear that it's fantasy. (If a woman looked like the average porn star in real life most guys would either be terrified to talk to them or dump them in two weeks for being high maintenance.)

Transgression is the key here. Most dudes who watch cheating wife porn would be horrified if you cheated on them. Dudes who watch tentacle porn would be freaked out if they came home to you with an octopus in bed. This is generally true with nearly every type of porn.

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So, what do people who look at porn really want? They want you. That's why they are your husband or boyfriend. You are their wonderful reality. What kind of sex do they want? The type of sex they have with you.

The bottom line is that their taste in porn isn't about you at all. It's just a safe way to escape the real world and feel naughty for a little while.

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Don't let it get you down.

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